Ok, time to raise the “S” word. You today I’m on sex. Love may make the world go round, but sexual problems, whether yours or theirs, can really sour the fun you expect to have when you get it together with someone. We understand that sex is about more than hormones, and that although you can count on nature to take you a pretty long way, many factors influence sexual relations between people. Whether you are making love with
For example, if you want sex less often than your partner but you don’t talk about it, your partner may worry that you don’t love them any more, or are having an affair. If you talk about it (perhaps you’re feeling stressed about work, or you’re coming to terms with changes to your body as you get older), then your partner will know the truth, and both of you can work on managing the problem.
People are constantly inundated with sexual messages and gratuitous sexual images in the media. You'd think that would help, we'd all be open, relaxed and comfortable with it, but the opposite is actually true. We talk about it on the surface a lot, but in our own homes and in our bedrooms with our partners, and even with ourselves, we have this image that we shouldn’t talk about it. The word dirty is often associate with sex, especially with the older generation.
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There is going to be a feeling of vulnerability and risk when you share such an intimate part of yourself with someone else. That's the irony: Plenty of people have sex, and they still haven't really been vulnerable with each other. You can be naked in the dark together, but unless you've really shared and made yourself vulnerable, you're not going to have the intimacy and the sex life that you want.
Self awareness is really important, do you know your own body? Your likes and dislikes? Have you come to terms with that? Are there things about your sexuality you struggle with, maybe because you were told that something was wrong? Before you talk to your partner, understand your own body and learn about your sexual responses. Explore your body and communicate about what you've discovered.
Think back, if you had sex education in school it was probably little more than here is how babies are conceived and here is how to prevent pregnancy and getting a nasty std. There are a huge number of issues for adolescents to process as their bodies change, and often the information gained is from their peer group. Yes those well-educated and highly experienced professionals NOT! That means for many people they carry around a whole range of sexual problems;
Also, it's important to guide your partner in a positive, proactive way and show them what feels good. Oh and what’s sauce for the goose… It's really good to start the conversation outside of the bedroom, Don't bring it up for the first time when you're both getting started—bring it up when you're both outside the bedroom where things maybe aren't as tense or as vulnerable or as fragile.
Thank goodness for programs like Mr’s Brown’s Boys (yes I’m a fan!) where humour is used in such an effective way, to raise this sometimes thorny issue, no pun intended. Sometimes it can still be a huge thing to talk about, we fear being misunderstood or rejected. Apart from your GP you can see a therapist. Talking things through with a trained professional in confidence and even having some treatment like hypnotherapy can be very useful.